As time flies... in the eyes of a foster care child.

Another summer, fall, and winter have passed and we are almost at the end of another school year with homework, extra curricular activities and tons of stuff to rush around and do almost completed.  My kids have been enjoying their days and are excited for the summer holiday break to arrive and have some down time again.

Down time?!  I always wonder about those words and how they play out in a child's mind... down time for us adults seems quite obvious -- we need some time to rest, relax, not think about anything and hang out.  What is it that kids are thinking... it seems their down time usually happens every day when school is done -- they are then either off to a fun filled time at a sports practice or game; off to enjoy some type of artistic experience; or even home to watch a bit of tv or play video games, either on the computer or tv.  These all sound like down time items to me -- as a parent, we adults are usually working long days to ensure our kids have the warm home to go relax in; provide them with rides to the variety of activities usually chosen by those same kids and generally have to provide meals for these kids to consume on a daily basis.  Down time -- sheesh!  As a parent of four energetic children, from tweens to teens, I want more of this so called down time and now!!  :oP


Even though I am currently off work, due to this lingering illness, I still am required to ensure I am able to provide my children with the home they need, the food necessary to stay healthy, and be available to drive them to various activities or friends homes so they can enjoy their down time without any glitches.

A big glitch for me -- I am not always on top of my own game, health wise, and tend to want to have some extra down time for me when the kids are home.

Right now, I am learning to focus on one commitment at a time compared to the twenty things I know I need to do, or at least feel I need to do at one time.  Running myself down has been a large contributor to my feeling less than my usual energetic self.


When I focus in on the one area that gives me energy and strength, I always feel pumped!

That area, of course, is writing the stories for the children!!  The next children's book is titled When Is It My Turn, and has actually been in my head for a long time.  The story is about a group of children who are in the foster care system and have not been selected to be a part of anyone's family.  Children who sit every day wondering why they are not in their own forever family as they see other children around them who are chosen to leave and join a family.

How does a child know it is okay to feel what he/she is feeling -- to know the thoughts of getting older is not always a good thing when you are a part of the "system?"  Children need to have some reassurance about who they are and what is inside of them when they are the ones who are still waiting... they need to know it's okay to feel what they feel as they are growing up without a family around them.

This book speaks to them in a way they will understand because some of the emotions they feel, every day while waiting, are brought forth in this book for them to read and figure out.  I am excited for someone to pick up this book and be amazed at the impact it will have on a child who feels alone inside.  These words are powerful words, strong words for the children.

As summer comes, I will await what happens with this story and go from there.  If I am still unable to find a professional publishing company to take this story and run with it, I will take it by the reigns myself and fly!  So many children deserve to not only read the words, hear the words, and believe the words, they need to know these words are for them, for each of them, to start their own healing as they live each new day with themselves!!  I will never stop what I do because there are always more children to come!

 I love what I do and I can't wait for so many others to read this story and love what I do too!!!!

Summer is around the corner...and I won't go down without a fight!!

After a very hard fall into the spring season with illness and pain in my world, I am happy to say things are slowly starting to turn around.

I have had a lot of stress with being ill and trying to ensure my children are still living in a somewhat normal world - whatever normal is!

My life turned upside down over the past twelve weeks with all of the medical changes I have had to endure.  Starting with the numbing down the left side of my body, followed by the headaches and terrible side effects I have been struggling through.

Memory loss and very poor concentration --  going through many moments in a day where I will ask myself, "What am I doing? What was I doing?"  Twitches in my left arm and fingers.  Tingling in my hands and feet.  The taste of soda pop changed completely where the carbonation was awful to taste - it was like drinking a horrible tasting sugar water.  I have been struggling everyday with a symptom called Aphasia (I can think certain words but I can't speak them very well, stuttering and slurring what I am trying to say) Choosing an alternative word can be so helpful at times however makes things a little more difficult for me as I go through the day.  Sometimes I have these odd moments where it appears I am having some sort of staring spell -- I could not move nor speak yet I was conscious of what was happening around me -- very freaky...

I am glad to see things changing for me in a positive way -- finally have started speech therapy to re-work how I speak and focus on the annunciation of my vocabulary all over again.  This has been a very humbling time for me as I have struggled through a lot of moments and days feeling at a loss most days with not knowing how long this will last, if not forever.

I am starting to work on the next three books in the series, the fourth book is titled When Is It My Turn, because these are very important to me and for the children.  It has been a hard road to travel with everything I have been going through yet for me, it is still all about the children and I will persevere through all of this to ensure the series of books is brought out for the children and families to enjoy and learn from.


As time goes on, I will face these challenges and be stronger for them, I have to be!  I have faced many a fight in my life and the health issues I am facing right now will not be going down without some big time fight coming from me to overcome it all!!  Love to all who continue to follow what I do for the children and know this...I am in this for the long haul, no matter what!!!

Happy Spring Ola Zuri!!

Supposedly Spring is around the corner yet winter has not really wanted to let any of us go yet... the snow has been coming sporadically on again, off again for weeks on end.  Every time we think it is over...  surprise, there it is again to put a little twinkle in our eyes!!

So here was the surprise and twinkle in my eye over the past few weeks...

I awoke in the middle of the night and found I was unable to move the left side of my body.  I thought -- weird, what's wrong, did I sleep wrong, tried to shake and realized I really couldn't move.  I was completely numb on the left side of my body.  Well now I was nervous!

Was I sick?  Having a stroke?  Heart attack?  Then for some reason... I could smell toast?  why could I smell toast????  It was two o'clock in the morning and I was alone?!!  what was wrong with me!!!  I had to snap out of it!  I reached over for my laptop with my right arm and googled stroke symptoms and found out what was happening seemed like a stroke, a mini one.  okay -- so two hours later, I relaxed, my left side appeared to wake up a little bit and I finally went to sleep for awhile before having to get ready for work.


So... went in to work for my shift.  I let my bosses know that I was a tad shaky still, weak and that I may have had a slight stroke in the night but I thought I would be okay for the day and of course they freaked and sent me to the doctor straight away.  Good thing too because as it turned out, I was way too weak and numb to be at work.  I spent the rest of the day in the doctor's office and then the hospital having tests and such to find out that the neurologist believes I did not have a full stroke but a migraine that causes stroke like symptoms and if not treated can cause strokes which can then continue on to actually cause strokes for the rest of my life.  Great!   That's what I wanted to hear!

Well, I am now on a medication to prevent the migraines that will supposedly prevent the strokes which will allow me to live longer.  However, the medication is awful and has such horrendous side effects that I am quite sick from having to take them.  There are also some memory issues happening, some speech problems occurring, I can't count or react efficiently or in a timely manner at work the same as I always have before, and my skills had slowed down significantly to what I am used to.  Sheesh!!

After all is said and done, this type of migraine is called a Hemiplegic Migraine and I will paste the definition below for what I found out about them here:

Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches

Headaches are common. But hemiplegic migraine is a rare type of headache. It's also one of the most serious and potentially debilitating migraine headaches.

What Is a Hemiplegic Migraine Headache?

There are several types of migraine. One major group is called migraine with aura. Hemiplegic migraine is a severe subtype of this group.

Migraine is a complex neurological disorder. It generally includes headaches, but not always. Before the actual headache pain of a migraine, you can have a host of other symptoms that serve as warning signs that a migraine is coming. These early symptoms, called auras, include temporary disturbances in one or more functions:

• Vision
• Muscle control and body sensations
• Speech and language
• Hearing

For most migraine sufferers who have aura, the visual disturbances are the most common symptom. But for people with hemiplegic migraine, muscle weakness and paralysis can be so pronounced and extreme that it causes a temporary, stroke-like paralysis on one side of the body. This paralysis on one side of the body is called hemiplegia.

What Are the Symptoms of Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches?

Hemiplegic migraine symptoms often start in childhood. Then for some people, they disappear in adulthood. While the stroke-like symptoms can range from worrisome to debilitating, the good news is that no permanent nerve damage occurs from this type of migraine.

Migraines are unpredictable and unique to each person. You may have a hemiplegic migraine headache with extreme pain and minor paralysis one month. Then the next attack might bring extreme paralysis without much headache pain at all.

Symptoms of hemiplegic migraine include:

• Severe, throbbing pain, often on one side of your head
• A pins-and-needles feeling, often moving from your hand up your arm
• Numbness on one side of your body, which can include your arm, leg, and/or one side of your face
• Weakness or paralysis on one side of your body
• Loss of balance and coordination
• Visual aura, such as seeing zigzag lines, double vision, or blind spots
• Language difficulties, such as mixing words or trouble remembering a word
• Slurred speech
• Dizziness or vertigo
• Nausea and vomiting
• Extreme sensitivity to light, sound, and smell
• Confusion
• Decreased consciousness or coma

With hemiplegic migraine, the aura can be more severe and last longer than with other types of migraine with aura. Symptoms usually last from five to 60 minutes. It's rare, but some people gradually develop long-lasting difficulty with movement and coordination.

What Causes Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches?

Researchers have now identified three genes linked with hemiplegic migraine.

Defects, or mutations, in any of these three genes lead to a breakdown in the body's ability to make a certain protein. That protein is needed for clear communication among nerve cells. Without that protein, nerve cells can't release or take up neurotransmitters -- the chemical messengers between nerve cells. The three genes linked with hemiplegic migraine are the CACNA1A, ATP1A2, and SCN1A genes.

Most people with hemiplegic migraine have inherited the gene mutation from one parent who also had the condition.

Something I wish I could have known I may have been prone to get from the family however with a closed adoption, nothing was ever available as far as records for me to find out and I did not know.  Only because I was able to meet my biological mother did I even know that she had suffered many, many strokes in her life did I have that knowledge.  When I was growing up, I suffered from migraines almost on a daily basis, for sure weekly.  It never occurred to me that there was one out there that could strap me down and have me not understanding what was happening.

I will fight this and get better - it will take time and healing and that is all we have!  After all is said and done though, I still have to Believe In Me!!!  Right Kids?!!  Right!

Ola Zuri launches new books!

Starting off the new year by ending the last year with a bang! 


What a wonderful turnout for the release of the latest book in the series, book three titled What Is A Part Of Me.

So happy to see so many people come out to support what I am doing for the children!  

Providing autographs...

 The launch of the new anthology, Somebody's Child, was a success and all copies were sold out!  

  Passages read...

Being able to speak with the people who came out to support me and what I am doing is a wonderful part of the experience.  

Questions asked...

Smiles and laughs shared...

 

Total support in what I am doing...

 

All in a day's work!!!

I sit here wondering how each day can continue to pass and I still have heard nothing from the many, many people who were so impressed by what I am continuing to do for the children - the children who are growing up in our communities who do not have the full confidence within themselves that we parents believe they do, the self esteem that is needed to grow into well rounded individuals, the strength to stand on one's own two feet and feel from within that there is nothing one can not conquer by staying strong and believing in oneself.  Each day I wait, I dream, I hope someone, anyone, will look at what I am doing and say, yes, this is something that matters, what can I do to help!?  Yet everyday I still wait, still wonder, still hope, and still dream.

One hundred percent, 100% of what I do is not for me, is not for the parents, is not for the social workers, or the adoption and foster care workers, it is all for the children!  The children who are trying their best to grow up in a world that hides things, shelters things, and distorts things so that children will not be hurt, so that the parents continue to look the best, to be their ever guiding protector and the children do what the parents want because after all "mother and father know best."

So many times I keep hearing from others about what I am doing and how it sounds so good and it is what children need and, as many times as I hear those words, I also hear it must be hard for you to do this alone.  I don't ever hear how someone would like to help me, how someone would like to sponsor me, how someone would be interested in finding me a professional publisher or agent to take the books I have to many more places than I can do on my own.  No, for some reason I keep hearing how it must be hard and how can I continue to do what I am doing when I am trying to raise four children alone.  Where is the money coming from Ola??!!  How can you do this Ola??!!

I will tell you how I can do it --- I do it, end of story!  These books are important enough to me to get into the hands of children that I will continue doing what I am doing and struggling with financial issues because I believe all children deserve to have these books in their hands.  I see too often how many people are out there wrestling within their adult lives with issues from the past that have gone unresolved and are unsettled in their lives and I know with the positive literature in the Believe In Me program, children can start to believe in self, work on the issues that could already be eating away at them, and ask the questions, receive some answers, some guidance, and learn to trust themselves throughout their whole childhood.  Why, oh why, would I want children to grow up and not have the inner strength to see the answers to their questions have always been inside of them all along when I can provide them with a way to work on those questions, those insecurities as they are growing and maturing instead?!




The time has to come for others to realize what I do is not about me, not about being an "angry adoptee" or an angry daughter but it is all about what I can do to assist others with how to aid the children in their lives with some resources to bring forth the courage to stand on one's own two feet and feel good about it, from the youngest age and up!!

Adoption in the summertime!

Having had the opportunity to travel to the USA this summer was quite an experience.  I spoke with many of the people in the adoption triad and found out a lot of things I have experienced or have worried about or have thought about has also been on the minds of many other adoptees in the world.  I heard some complaints - I heard some praises - I heard about some disappointments - I heard some sadness - I heard some painful memories - I heard some great memories.  What stands out in my mind are the moments shared between so many new people in my life and the bond we seemed to create in those moments knowing we were all in a safe environment without judgement of who we were or what we should be happy for.  It was quite a change from the way things have been in the past for me and for most of the people I have made a strong connection with now.  I am very thankful for the wonderful opportunities I have been able to experience this year and I only look forward to the many more wonderful experiences to come!!

I want to remind all of those people whom I was able to talk with and present to that the children are really the most important member of the triad as they are the ones who are going to have to grow up learning and listening to all of those around them in their world and if we can assist them with the tools to start believing in the person who is inside of them from their young ages up to becoming an adult, then the books I am providing them with need to be in their rooms, in their classrooms, in their libraries, in their faces!  How are we going to make that happen adults if we don't get out there and actually order those books for the children to start!!??

The time is now and the children are growing up everyday - order your copies for a child whom you know and l

Pact Family Camp Experience

Time well spent away in California at the annual Pact Family Camp held at Granlibakken Resort in Tahoe City.  What a beautiful resort and the food was way too good!  Seriously!

So, I started my trip on the morning of July 16 at 04h00 am, flying out of Kelowna and into Vancouver for a connecting flight to California at 08h35.  What should have been a very nice trip, smooth and without hassle ended up being a very long drawn out day hanging around the Vancouver airport waiting to leave.  Two technically challenged airplanes, some very long wait times between finally getting onto one, an airline host who had no idea what was really happening yet kept trying to act like he knew what was happening, a $10 lunch voucher for the very over priced food at an airport, one cancelled flight, a trip through Canadian customs even though I had never even left the country, picked up my bag to get checked in on a new flight to California, a second trip through US customs, and after seven gruelling hours of waiting, finally getting another technically challenged plane with a pilot who decided the passengers who had upgraded their plane to accommodate all of us, had waited long enough and needed to get this flight out of Vancouver even on one engine, arriving in San Francisco with only enough time to switch flights only to be delayed another two hours before leaving to arrive in Reno, where upon arrival in Reno found out there was no luggage for me to pick up because they left it in San Francisco, and finally at 23h30 settling in to a very beautiful room at the Granlibakken Resort for my week of adventure with the Pact group of families!  Phew!!!  What an exhausting first day!

 

The week was fantastic!  I met a lot of amazing people who were so willing to do whatever they needed to for their children who may have some of the same type of experiences I had growing up and need to have a positive force in their life encouraging them.   I spoke on many occasion to some fabulous children & families about Believe In Me and the literature I have written.  Amazing events, learned lots, met and made many new friends, and taught a lot of people to Believe In Me!!

Believing from within needs to start from childhood -- why wait until adulthood to start the healing process when a child can learn to heal and soothe oneself from the beginning... what we all as adults are doing now, our children can also be doing!  Share the message of what Believe In Me offers to all of your friends, co-workers, and family!!

Summer of invites!

Well I am finally off to a good, no I'm going to say, great start for the summer!  I have two very exciting trips planned for this summer and I can't wait to meet as many people as I can at them both.

The first is the upcoming PACT Family Camp in Tahoe City, California.  I have been in touch over the past two years with the director and fellow author, Beth Hall, about becoming involved with this fabulous group.  It has paid off and I have been invited to join the many children and families and fellow adult adoptees to present to those who come to the camp.  It will be quite an experience and one I am very much looking forward to:o)

Pact, An Adoption Alliance is an amazing not for profit group who supports so many things.  Please check out their website and the variety of information and links available through them -- www.pactadopt.org

The second is the upcoming NACAC Conference in Denver, Colorado from August 4-6.  There are so many people to see and speakers to hear and I am very excited to be attending their lectures.

Dr. Bruce Perry will be the keynote speaker on Thursday, August 4 at the 2011 NACAC conference in Denver, Colorado!  Dr. Perry will also present an all-day pre-conference session—The Impact of Trauma on the Developing Child—on Wednesday, August 3. The full conference runs from August 4 to 6.

To learn more about NACAC, the conference and what they do, please check out their website -- www.nacac.org

Back in the swing of things!!

As I sit here and gaze at my computer screen, I realize I have not had as much contact with those in the blogging world as I would have liked.  Well here I am... finally!  :o)

So let's see... where to begin --- over these past months, I have been able to promote, discuss, and present a variety of events to many people.  Being able to participate when and as requested, is an honor for me.  I love what I do and being able to pass along the messages of encouragement and empowerment found within the words of my books, is nothing but fabulous!

Children who read the words I have written and feel good about who is inside of themselves.

Parents who read the words and see there are so many ways of guiding their children through any of the emotions or stresses that arise as days go by.

Support workers and educators who read the words and know there is a new way of aiding the children and families with issues that may arise in a child's everyday experiences and can provide a positive resource in a non threatening way.

And that is what is most important for the children after all!!!

My Adoption Awareness month last November had me spending some time travelling to Michigan where I was very fortunate to have presented on a panel with two wonderful authors and fellow adoptees, whom I may now call friends, Rhonda Roorda and Kevin Hoffman.  They were very informative and it was amazing to speak with them both, relate to some of the same type of issues growing up and to be available to all those who showed up to listen to what we all had to say. What an experience!  I look forward to partaking in more opportunities with the both of them!



Here is a story I was surprised about during the late fall and thought I would share -- my ten year old daughter had spent the night at a friend's place for a birthday party.  When I went to pick her up the following day, she commented on a few things, mostly about how a couple of her friends had argued during most of the evening.  The comment that stood out the most for me was, "I don't understand why they argue so much, it's not like they are really cousins anyway."  I wondered what she meant by that and questioned her.  She responded by telling me, "Mom, they aren't "real" cousins because so and so is adopted."

Now, if you can imagine, I was pretty surprised to hear that because my children know all about adoption and know I am adopted as well.  I continued to prod for some answers from my daughter.  "What do you think it means to be a "real" cousin honey?"  "Well, if her mom had had her then she would be related to her family but she wasn't so she isn't really their daughter or her cousin."

If you have ever seen the look of a deer in the headlights of any oncoming vehicle that would be the look I had on my face and in my heart.  I felt like everything I was trying to teach my child had flown out the window because she didn't understand that being a "real" member of anyone's family means being a part of their life, in their heart, in their homes, and in every way possible.  I reminded my young daughter, who I believe was and is old enough to hear direct answers from me, about my status of being a person who was adopted and queried her as to what she thought of my being a "real" member of my family.  Her answer was "Mom, I feel sorry for you and for her because you didn't have your real families to live with.  I know you are adopted but you are my mom and so you have me and we are real."  Again, look of a deer... As I continued to discuss the blessing of having been adopted into a family rather than be left in the foster care system, I could see the understanding finally come into my daughter's face and she seemed to believe what I was saying about families and belonging to one, real or not.  All families are real whether a child is adopted, fostered, biological, step, surrogate, whatever way a family is made up.  It took a lot of discussion and I am glad she talked about everything so openly with me -- I would rather her speak open with me than to speak frankly with her friend and possibly lose a friendship over misunderstanding what "real" meant in an adopteees life.

Adoption does not make anyone less than -- it never has and never will.  So why is it that there are still so many people out there who think that way??  I am glad to say my daughter understands a little more about this subject and now we need to ensure more people are made aware so that young hearts are not hurt for something that promised a forever family to them!  Having my own experience as an adoptee makes all the difference in the world and I am thankful to my family for making mine real!

Adoption and Foster Care - Taboo Subjects???

Have you ever noticed there are certain topics, subjects, that seem to be taboo to talk about?  Like, for example: race, religion, sex, politics, money, sexual orientation and relationships, and for some reason, adoption.  Go figure that something that is so important to many, many people, could actually be on the list of taboo subjects to discuss!


As I have been researching and struggling through my own journey of adoption, I have found that there are many people who actually DO talk about adoption, almost on a daily basis.  There are a variety of blogs, websites, tweeters, facebook pages, myspace pages, articles, news broadcasts and stories all over the place when it comes to this supposedly taboo subject.


Now, you may be wondering, how this is possible if the subject appears to be so off limits.  I have wondered the same thing and decided that it was finally my turn to step out and really write about it.


Adoption, as it turns out, is a subject that is actually in the news a lot - the celebrities are all over the headlines with new children whom they have brought home, or Hollywood movies of recent that are based on adoption and foster care, like "Despicable Me," "The Blind Side," "Orphan," "Meet the Robinsons," and Pauly Shore's controversial film titled, "Adopted."   Then of course there are other stories like the one in the news where the adoptive mother took the child to the airport and left him there, alone, to go back to his country, as she was unable to reach him emotionally and couldn’t take it anymore.


So, what makes this subject so scary, so wary for people to discuss??  Is it because of the fact that infertility comes into play for some people?  Is it because people who have not been touched by adoption, or foster care, are afraid to talk about the realities of attachment disorder in children who have been placed in foster care and then adopted?  What is it that scares so many people and makes discussing it so taboo?  The realization that children who are placed into these realities are struggling through emotions, fears, anxieties, upheavals and so much more is something that can not be ignored any longer. These children are crying out for something, anything to aid them on their journey of recovery.  I will be that aid, now and always!


Even though these stories appear to be in the news a lot, the idea of picking up a story about adoption or foster care seems to scare a lot of publishing houses and literary agents - scares them so much that there are a limited number of manuscripts that are even picked up by the specialty publishing houses and very rarely is a small independent author picked up by a house and even more rarely by an agent - perhaps there is a small fear that these story ideas really wouldn’t sell and then how would they make any money??


Okay, I get that and I can even understand that.  Having said that however, the genre of books that is being offered through myself is one that has not been touched and is what is needed right now.


The children in the adoption and foster care world are being sent too many mixed messages - especially the transracially adopted or fostered children.  There is a message being ingrained upon them that adoption is alright for them, for now.  However... if they choose to look for their biological family, that is not always acceptable in the adoptive or foster parents eyes.  When I say this, I mean that a lot of the time the youth, and then young adults, are so afraid of hurting the parents feelings when choosing to look for any biological piece of them, that they choose to wait - choose to wait as so many adults have done for years now, until the parents have passed away and then finally go in search of something, someone - some biological connection to their world... to their being.


What is so harmful about that you may wonder... well, what is harming is that these youth and young adults are not free to express what they are truly feeling within as they have been growing up.  There is no real outlet for them to discuss the anguish, possible sorrow, that is growing within their hearts and souls.  Adoption tears at everyone in a different way, yet the most similar one is that of having been abandoned - the child growing up as an adoptee or foster child, has that initial feeling of loss attached to that adoption or foster care situation.

Are the children in foster care, and the children who are in orphanages across the world, asking to be adopted or fostered as part of their life journey?  Are these young children wanting to start their lives out with abandonment issues?  I don't think so.  I don't believe that any child would ask for the emotional upheaval that is experienced in foster care and then, more often than not, transitions over into the new life started when adopted.  When I was growing up, I know I never once asked to be in the situations I was put in and yet, now as an adult, I am asked why I can't get over them.  Why am I still bothered by issues that were from the past, from a beginning I did not ask for?        

There is a reality that so many are not willing to look at when it comes to children who started out their lives as being abandoned, given up.  This reality is one that, at some point in one's life, will have an affect on how relationships play out, how conversations are brought up, and even how certain aspects of daily life are fulfilled.  I have noticed there are a lot of fostered and adopted adults who gravitate towards the profession of counselor, or support worker, or volunteer to work in the industry that has had such an important impact on one's life.  I know I have and that is one of the main reasons I write... to help others who may feel the way I felt and who may not realize that speaking out for themselves is key to helping themselves heal, from the inside out!  

The books that are being brought forth by myself address these issues in ways that aid all children with the healing process - a healing that is necessary even in this day and age of adoption and foster care.  The children growing up today have so many resources to aid with almost every type of situation they may go through - when it comes to believing in what is inside of yourself, I have not been able to locate materials that will aid children the way I believe is necessary.  The resource I provide with the Believe In Me program, through the literature I have written (Why Can't You Look Like Me and Where Do I Belong) and the literature I continue writing, those materials are now becoming available!

I know what type of book I would pick up and purchase for my children - the books I am providing are in our collection and are making a difference in many lives as I speak.  That is what is key here and that is why I continue to write!  My illustrator, Jenn, tells a story in itself with the images she continues to come up with - the words flow with the illustrations so anyone can pick up a book and understand there is a huge message involved, not only in the words, but also in the images.  

My passion is for these books to be available to the children, to all of the children who may be going through their own personal journey of healing within.


So, are adoption and foster care taboo subjects???


Not in my world and not in any young person's journey through life as an adoptee or foster child!!   All you have to do is ask one of them...  

Heartfelt reviews of children's literature

A couple of months ago I was befriended on Facebook by a young woman, Erika Ives, who is an adoptive mother of a 20 month old daughter from Uganda.


I was recently invited by Erika to join a Facebook group, Adoptionhair_skincare, and I find it to be an amazing support system of families wanting, and willing, to look after their children's hair.  What a great group and there are always lots of fabulous tips for styles you thought you knew all about...


As it turns out, Erika had ordered my books and has thus received them and written a review for both.


Feel free to join the above group and click on the links below to read the reviews - wonderful words from the heart!



Here is the post to what Erika said in her review of the first book:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.phpuid=109425222412663&topic=275

Here is the post to what Erika said in her review of the second book:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=109425222412663&topic=276

Life getting started - finally!

My life has definitely been an interesting one - not too many years ago, I was born and then without any reason in my mind... given away.  Time and time again, I have thought about this event in my life as being one of the hardest events to deal with.  My thoughts revolving around the idea that I wasn't good enough for my biological mother, wasn't wanted by her, and most of all, wasn't loved by her.


Over the past year, and after finding someone to help me work on who I really am on the inside, on the thoughts and the questions in my life I thought I would never have answers to or be able to figure out, I am starting to believe I have had the answers within me all along - some people have the ability to use speech as a way of bringing out what is needed - to be able to talk, to converse their thoughts with others, while some people use a variety of the arts (dance, movement, visual, artistic, musical) to express what is within themselves - for me, it is in my script, in my words - words I have been writing from a young age and continue to write, even here today.





Throughout the years, there have been a lot of hurts, sorrows, and pains I have held onto and in my subconscious, I have held onto these feelings, believing somehow they were going to help me somewhere in my life.  A heart-wrenching pain that has unwittingly clung to my subconscious mind is that of my abandonment.  Abandoned, given away, an unwanted, unloved child - this was something that had happened to me at birth yet here, still gnawing at me, still dwelling within me negativity towards my biological mother -  And then in one statement, one declaration, all of that changed.  I was given these words to think about... "Are you really an unwanted, unloved child who was abandoned by her biological mother?  Really?  How is this so, Ola, when your biological mother gave birth to you?  She brought you into this world and yes, she did relinquish her rights to you, but would she have done that to someone she did not want, did not care about and did not love?  Ola, She could have had an abortion, yet she chose to give you a life instead - again yes, a life without her, yet a life all the same."


What??  How could that be right?  With all that my subconscious was constantly trying to deal with and now I have thrown a reality into the mix that I had never imagined before!  Well, the tears, tears and more tears I have shed from that utterance - from the belief within me that I was always an unwanted, unloved child to the awareness that I must have been loved to be here in this world now.  What a thought!!  What a declaration!!  All of a sudden, I now have an opportunity to start seeing myself for what I really am: important, valuable, worthy, loved, and sooo cherished that my biological mother sacrificed her relationship with me to entrust another couple to take care of me.... because she knew that she could not!  She gave me the greatest gift of all: LIFE itself.  And she made the greatest sacrifice for it: allowing others to raise me!





The following Shared Thought ™ is all about life, family and making a choice, a decision.  I have written these thoughts for years and when I look over them again, I see there are words within my words that I didn't see before now - words that are continually helping me and healing me on the inside:




  why do we decide to start a family?  is it because
of the need within to nurture someone and raise
this being into a fresh young adult?  is it because
the choice was made before the planning?  what
about the decision to seek for a being that is
perfect from the beginning.  every individual
eventually makes a choice as to whether a family
becomes a reality within his/her world.  the option
  for a child seems to be one that is made everyday.
if only there were a way for every person to realize 
  that the decisions that are made come from within.
the decision to welcome a young spirit into this
world is one that every individual must consider.
by allowing each being a choice, the freedom for
young children lives on.  every person has the
opportunity to decide which direction his/her life
  will lead.  there is only one chance for each person
to choose.  this choice could change a lifestyle...
choose carefully.


Upon re-reading this entry, I wonder how often my biological mother wanted a second chance to make  another choice than what she did - would she have made a different decision?  Would she have kept me?  Would she have wanted to keep me?  In 1995, when I finally met her, she said something I never thought I would hear.  "I have always told people about you, everybody knew you existed.  You were always a part of my life and I always wanted to keep you."  That was, and still is, one of the most amazing things she could have ever said to me.  To think she had always thought of me and told others about me was, and is, a reality I didn't surmise.  So many others never have the opportunity to find, let alone meet and talk with their biological parent(s).  I was very lucky to have had that chance, that one time in my life where I came together with the woman whom I thought didn't want me, didn't need me and didn't love me - when all along... she did.

Something so true for me is that she has always been a part of my life.  Forever and always, I had wondered about her - what she looked like - how tall or short she was - was she fat, skinny, darker than me, lighter than me - I can't think of a time when I didn't think about my biological mother while I was growing up.  There was a piece of me I felt was incomplete - a missing link to something I needed to know and I didn't have the answer to.  I used to write in my journal over and over again about what she would look like or be like - all of the ideas and dreams and thoughts I would write about who she was, who maybe I was too.


While I admit that I have had many times where I have wondered about the variety that is my life, I have been writing for so many years about who I am, what I am feeling, and where my life may be going that sometimes I didn't know where I was or where I actually fit in the picture.  After all of this time, and with the writing of the literature for the Believe In Me program, my life is changing, changing for the better.

Positive changes for me mean positive changes for my children and for children everywhere.  When I improve myself from within, I see how beneficial it is to teach the children how to improve themselves from within now, before they are grown, before they start trying to "figure it all out."  These changes must start now for the children and the Believe In Me program provides the literature to encourage and empower the children to see what is inside of themselves as they are growing, to learn to deal with the issues that may be hard yet are important enough to be dealt with as they are learning so much about life's events.    


I am so thankful for what is happening in my life right now - this has been a very, very emotional and draining experience yet for what I get in return, it's all worth it!!  The children to me are worth every bit of sacrifice I have to go through.


Who knew I would find this wonderful program within myself to aid all children with what hey may be feeling, may have felt or may still go through.  I feel very blessed to be a part of all of the lives I am able to touch with the messages provided that I didn't have in my life for so many years!


Thank you to all of you who are so willing to make the choice, take the chance on this program - Believe In Me - for the reality is - it is all about who is inside of you!!