As time flies... in the eyes of a foster care child.

Another summer, fall, and winter have passed and we are almost at the end of another school year with homework, extra curricular activities and tons of stuff to rush around and do almost completed.  My kids have been enjoying their days and are excited for the summer holiday break to arrive and have some down time again.

Down time?!  I always wonder about those words and how they play out in a child's mind... down time for us adults seems quite obvious -- we need some time to rest, relax, not think about anything and hang out.  What is it that kids are thinking... it seems their down time usually happens every day when school is done -- they are then either off to a fun filled time at a sports practice or game; off to enjoy some type of artistic experience; or even home to watch a bit of tv or play video games, either on the computer or tv.  These all sound like down time items to me -- as a parent, we adults are usually working long days to ensure our kids have the warm home to go relax in; provide them with rides to the variety of activities usually chosen by those same kids and generally have to provide meals for these kids to consume on a daily basis.  Down time -- sheesh!  As a parent of four energetic children, from tweens to teens, I want more of this so called down time and now!!  :oP


Even though I am currently off work, due to this lingering illness, I still am required to ensure I am able to provide my children with the home they need, the food necessary to stay healthy, and be available to drive them to various activities or friends homes so they can enjoy their down time without any glitches.

A big glitch for me -- I am not always on top of my own game, health wise, and tend to want to have some extra down time for me when the kids are home.

Right now, I am learning to focus on one commitment at a time compared to the twenty things I know I need to do, or at least feel I need to do at one time.  Running myself down has been a large contributor to my feeling less than my usual energetic self.


When I focus in on the one area that gives me energy and strength, I always feel pumped!

That area, of course, is writing the stories for the children!!  The next children's book is titled When Is It My Turn, and has actually been in my head for a long time.  The story is about a group of children who are in the foster care system and have not been selected to be a part of anyone's family.  Children who sit every day wondering why they are not in their own forever family as they see other children around them who are chosen to leave and join a family.

How does a child know it is okay to feel what he/she is feeling -- to know the thoughts of getting older is not always a good thing when you are a part of the "system?"  Children need to have some reassurance about who they are and what is inside of them when they are the ones who are still waiting... they need to know it's okay to feel what they feel as they are growing up without a family around them.

This book speaks to them in a way they will understand because some of the emotions they feel, every day while waiting, are brought forth in this book for them to read and figure out.  I am excited for someone to pick up this book and be amazed at the impact it will have on a child who feels alone inside.  These words are powerful words, strong words for the children.

As summer comes, I will await what happens with this story and go from there.  If I am still unable to find a professional publishing company to take this story and run with it, I will take it by the reigns myself and fly!  So many children deserve to not only read the words, hear the words, and believe the words, they need to know these words are for them, for each of them, to start their own healing as they live each new day with themselves!!  I will never stop what I do because there are always more children to come!

 I love what I do and I can't wait for so many others to read this story and love what I do too!!!!

Happy Spring Ola Zuri!!

Supposedly Spring is around the corner yet winter has not really wanted to let any of us go yet... the snow has been coming sporadically on again, off again for weeks on end.  Every time we think it is over...  surprise, there it is again to put a little twinkle in our eyes!!

So here was the surprise and twinkle in my eye over the past few weeks...

I awoke in the middle of the night and found I was unable to move the left side of my body.  I thought -- weird, what's wrong, did I sleep wrong, tried to shake and realized I really couldn't move.  I was completely numb on the left side of my body.  Well now I was nervous!

Was I sick?  Having a stroke?  Heart attack?  Then for some reason... I could smell toast?  why could I smell toast????  It was two o'clock in the morning and I was alone?!!  what was wrong with me!!!  I had to snap out of it!  I reached over for my laptop with my right arm and googled stroke symptoms and found out what was happening seemed like a stroke, a mini one.  okay -- so two hours later, I relaxed, my left side appeared to wake up a little bit and I finally went to sleep for awhile before having to get ready for work.


So... went in to work for my shift.  I let my bosses know that I was a tad shaky still, weak and that I may have had a slight stroke in the night but I thought I would be okay for the day and of course they freaked and sent me to the doctor straight away.  Good thing too because as it turned out, I was way too weak and numb to be at work.  I spent the rest of the day in the doctor's office and then the hospital having tests and such to find out that the neurologist believes I did not have a full stroke but a migraine that causes stroke like symptoms and if not treated can cause strokes which can then continue on to actually cause strokes for the rest of my life.  Great!   That's what I wanted to hear!

Well, I am now on a medication to prevent the migraines that will supposedly prevent the strokes which will allow me to live longer.  However, the medication is awful and has such horrendous side effects that I am quite sick from having to take them.  There are also some memory issues happening, some speech problems occurring, I can't count or react efficiently or in a timely manner at work the same as I always have before, and my skills had slowed down significantly to what I am used to.  Sheesh!!

After all is said and done, this type of migraine is called a Hemiplegic Migraine and I will paste the definition below for what I found out about them here:

Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches

Headaches are common. But hemiplegic migraine is a rare type of headache. It's also one of the most serious and potentially debilitating migraine headaches.

What Is a Hemiplegic Migraine Headache?

There are several types of migraine. One major group is called migraine with aura. Hemiplegic migraine is a severe subtype of this group.

Migraine is a complex neurological disorder. It generally includes headaches, but not always. Before the actual headache pain of a migraine, you can have a host of other symptoms that serve as warning signs that a migraine is coming. These early symptoms, called auras, include temporary disturbances in one or more functions:

• Vision
• Muscle control and body sensations
• Speech and language
• Hearing

For most migraine sufferers who have aura, the visual disturbances are the most common symptom. But for people with hemiplegic migraine, muscle weakness and paralysis can be so pronounced and extreme that it causes a temporary, stroke-like paralysis on one side of the body. This paralysis on one side of the body is called hemiplegia.

What Are the Symptoms of Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches?

Hemiplegic migraine symptoms often start in childhood. Then for some people, they disappear in adulthood. While the stroke-like symptoms can range from worrisome to debilitating, the good news is that no permanent nerve damage occurs from this type of migraine.

Migraines are unpredictable and unique to each person. You may have a hemiplegic migraine headache with extreme pain and minor paralysis one month. Then the next attack might bring extreme paralysis without much headache pain at all.

Symptoms of hemiplegic migraine include:

• Severe, throbbing pain, often on one side of your head
• A pins-and-needles feeling, often moving from your hand up your arm
• Numbness on one side of your body, which can include your arm, leg, and/or one side of your face
• Weakness or paralysis on one side of your body
• Loss of balance and coordination
• Visual aura, such as seeing zigzag lines, double vision, or blind spots
• Language difficulties, such as mixing words or trouble remembering a word
• Slurred speech
• Dizziness or vertigo
• Nausea and vomiting
• Extreme sensitivity to light, sound, and smell
• Confusion
• Decreased consciousness or coma

With hemiplegic migraine, the aura can be more severe and last longer than with other types of migraine with aura. Symptoms usually last from five to 60 minutes. It's rare, but some people gradually develop long-lasting difficulty with movement and coordination.

What Causes Hemiplegic Migraine Headaches?

Researchers have now identified three genes linked with hemiplegic migraine.

Defects, or mutations, in any of these three genes lead to a breakdown in the body's ability to make a certain protein. That protein is needed for clear communication among nerve cells. Without that protein, nerve cells can't release or take up neurotransmitters -- the chemical messengers between nerve cells. The three genes linked with hemiplegic migraine are the CACNA1A, ATP1A2, and SCN1A genes.

Most people with hemiplegic migraine have inherited the gene mutation from one parent who also had the condition.

Something I wish I could have known I may have been prone to get from the family however with a closed adoption, nothing was ever available as far as records for me to find out and I did not know.  Only because I was able to meet my biological mother did I even know that she had suffered many, many strokes in her life did I have that knowledge.  When I was growing up, I suffered from migraines almost on a daily basis, for sure weekly.  It never occurred to me that there was one out there that could strap me down and have me not understanding what was happening.

I will fight this and get better - it will take time and healing and that is all we have!  After all is said and done though, I still have to Believe In Me!!!  Right Kids?!!  Right!

Ola Zuri launches new books!

Starting off the new year by ending the last year with a bang! 


What a wonderful turnout for the release of the latest book in the series, book three titled What Is A Part Of Me.

So happy to see so many people come out to support what I am doing for the children!  

Providing autographs...

 The launch of the new anthology, Somebody's Child, was a success and all copies were sold out!  

  Passages read...

Being able to speak with the people who came out to support me and what I am doing is a wonderful part of the experience.  

Questions asked...

Smiles and laughs shared...

 

Total support in what I am doing...

 

All in a day's work!!!

I sit here wondering how each day can continue to pass and I still have heard nothing from the many, many people who were so impressed by what I am continuing to do for the children - the children who are growing up in our communities who do not have the full confidence within themselves that we parents believe they do, the self esteem that is needed to grow into well rounded individuals, the strength to stand on one's own two feet and feel from within that there is nothing one can not conquer by staying strong and believing in oneself.  Each day I wait, I dream, I hope someone, anyone, will look at what I am doing and say, yes, this is something that matters, what can I do to help!?  Yet everyday I still wait, still wonder, still hope, and still dream.

One hundred percent, 100% of what I do is not for me, is not for the parents, is not for the social workers, or the adoption and foster care workers, it is all for the children!  The children who are trying their best to grow up in a world that hides things, shelters things, and distorts things so that children will not be hurt, so that the parents continue to look the best, to be their ever guiding protector and the children do what the parents want because after all "mother and father know best."

So many times I keep hearing from others about what I am doing and how it sounds so good and it is what children need and, as many times as I hear those words, I also hear it must be hard for you to do this alone.  I don't ever hear how someone would like to help me, how someone would like to sponsor me, how someone would be interested in finding me a professional publisher or agent to take the books I have to many more places than I can do on my own.  No, for some reason I keep hearing how it must be hard and how can I continue to do what I am doing when I am trying to raise four children alone.  Where is the money coming from Ola??!!  How can you do this Ola??!!

I will tell you how I can do it --- I do it, end of story!  These books are important enough to me to get into the hands of children that I will continue doing what I am doing and struggling with financial issues because I believe all children deserve to have these books in their hands.  I see too often how many people are out there wrestling within their adult lives with issues from the past that have gone unresolved and are unsettled in their lives and I know with the positive literature in the Believe In Me program, children can start to believe in self, work on the issues that could already be eating away at them, and ask the questions, receive some answers, some guidance, and learn to trust themselves throughout their whole childhood.  Why, oh why, would I want children to grow up and not have the inner strength to see the answers to their questions have always been inside of them all along when I can provide them with a way to work on those questions, those insecurities as they are growing and maturing instead?!




The time has to come for others to realize what I do is not about me, not about being an "angry adoptee" or an angry daughter but it is all about what I can do to assist others with how to aid the children in their lives with some resources to bring forth the courage to stand on one's own two feet and feel good about it, from the youngest age and up!!

Adoption in the summertime!

Having had the opportunity to travel to the USA this summer was quite an experience.  I spoke with many of the people in the adoption triad and found out a lot of things I have experienced or have worried about or have thought about has also been on the minds of many other adoptees in the world.  I heard some complaints - I heard some praises - I heard about some disappointments - I heard some sadness - I heard some painful memories - I heard some great memories.  What stands out in my mind are the moments shared between so many new people in my life and the bond we seemed to create in those moments knowing we were all in a safe environment without judgement of who we were or what we should be happy for.  It was quite a change from the way things have been in the past for me and for most of the people I have made a strong connection with now.  I am very thankful for the wonderful opportunities I have been able to experience this year and I only look forward to the many more wonderful experiences to come!!

I want to remind all of those people whom I was able to talk with and present to that the children are really the most important member of the triad as they are the ones who are going to have to grow up learning and listening to all of those around them in their world and if we can assist them with the tools to start believing in the person who is inside of them from their young ages up to becoming an adult, then the books I am providing them with need to be in their rooms, in their classrooms, in their libraries, in their faces!  How are we going to make that happen adults if we don't get out there and actually order those books for the children to start!!??

The time is now and the children are growing up everyday - order your copies for a child whom you know and l

Adoption - who is it really about??

This has been quite the summer for me what with travelling to California for the Pact Family Camp in July and only having returned recently from Colorado where I attended the NACAC Conference.  The chance to have spoken with so many parents at both venues this summer has been fabulous.  I also believe being able to partake in a variety of the sessions available to children and making friends with those same children was very rewarding and the best part of all!!

I am looking at things a little more clearly now after having had the opportunity to listen to the  variety of people, including social workers, counsellors, and others who appear to be fairly involved at the initial stage of placing the rainbow of children in care with families.  Unfortunately where the breakdown seems to be starting for so many adoptees is within the system those same children are a part of.

Listening to speaker after speaker discuss the training and involvement necessary for those in the child welfare system was incredulous because as it turns out, there are not enough of the child welfare offices across the countries, both in the USA and Canada, getting or giving their staff the right kind of education when it comes to placing children of colour into the many waiting families.

The system breaks down by not ensuring the staff are all being educated enough with race issues in their own offices and then taking the same training to the families who are interested in adopting a child of colour.  Offering courses after the fact is absolutely not acceptable because not everyone is taking the courses - especially not the child welfare workers to begin with!

There is no way that these children are being offered the best choice when the parents who are adopting them do not, have not and may not, ever decide to have any other people of colour in their lives besides the children they adopt or the ones whom they see when they participate in their annual heritage or family camps.  These children are not being given an opportunity to be raised knowing their parents are confident and secure around the many people of colour in our society - the occasional few in their passing lives is definitely not good enough.  It never has been and it never will be!

The children need to see their parents with and around people who look like them from the very beginning of their adoption.  It is not good enough to take a class or attend a conference or workshop that is based on transracial adoption after the child has been placed within the family setting.  Parents need to have already joined groups with people of colour in them - they need to already have friends whom they socialize with on a regular basis - they need to bring race into their daily lives as much as it will be in the child's daily life.


What is it the parents are so ashamed of?  What are they hiding from?  What are they afraid of when there is nothing of colour in their life until a little workshop has been attended and THEN all of a sudden it sounds like they now need to have a friend who is of colour in their life.  NO WAY!  Totally unacceptable and completely unfair to the children who are now becoming a part of their white family and will definitely have some questions or situations throughout life as a person of colour and having a family who has not participated in the colour of their lives throughout their life, is showing their children that the people who look like them are not good enough for them, as parents, to be friends with.  How is that a benefit for the children of colour now that they are home in their new family?  How does this help them to grow into strong people who feel a sense of pride being amongst other people of colour when their own parents would not acknowledge and befriend those some people of colour?

Children are growing up with parents and in the system with people who are trying their best to do what they think is what the kids need  however what the kids need is to be considered in the equation.  I understand, as a parent myself, how one would say some things are too much for a young child to understand or comprehend or if a parent wants to "protect" the child from the many dangers of society, of the world.  However, when a child is shielded or treated as inferior to parents because the parent believes everything would be fine in the end, this is actually more harming to the child than helpful.  Every child goes through the growing up phase in life and when parents pretend their child is not old enough to understand or handle situations, especially race issues, the child can grow up with an uneasy feeling towards self and how many parents really want that?

There are many ways for parents to ensure a healthy happy child who feels confident and secure from within.  The books in this series are a definite asset to have in ones library - positive messages to increase a positive feeling towards self is what all children need.  What better time to instil confidence in our children than from the very beginning of their lives - reading with them, providing reading material for them, and consistently being there for them in every way is so important and is something I will continue to provide for my children and for the many children out there in the world!!!

Summer of invites!

Well I am finally off to a good, no I'm going to say, great start for the summer!  I have two very exciting trips planned for this summer and I can't wait to meet as many people as I can at them both.

The first is the upcoming PACT Family Camp in Tahoe City, California.  I have been in touch over the past two years with the director and fellow author, Beth Hall, about becoming involved with this fabulous group.  It has paid off and I have been invited to join the many children and families and fellow adult adoptees to present to those who come to the camp.  It will be quite an experience and one I am very much looking forward to:o)

Pact, An Adoption Alliance is an amazing not for profit group who supports so many things.  Please check out their website and the variety of information and links available through them -- www.pactadopt.org

The second is the upcoming NACAC Conference in Denver, Colorado from August 4-6.  There are so many people to see and speakers to hear and I am very excited to be attending their lectures.

Dr. Bruce Perry will be the keynote speaker on Thursday, August 4 at the 2011 NACAC conference in Denver, Colorado!  Dr. Perry will also present an all-day pre-conference session—The Impact of Trauma on the Developing Child—on Wednesday, August 3. The full conference runs from August 4 to 6.

To learn more about NACAC, the conference and what they do, please check out their website -- www.nacac.org

Success is what you make of it...

Well, it has been awhile since I have been available to post anything to this site.  Adoption Awareness Month has passed and was amazing!  I started off by flying out to Michigan where I met a wonderful transracial adult adoptee, Edie, who took me in to stay with herself and her family like we had been friends our whole life!  It was fantastic being surrounded by her four children who were so similar to my own, and being able to share very similar adoption issue stories with Edie was enlightening.  I was very interesting to see what type of issues and how she dealt with those things in her life and how I dealt with things.  As an only child, her life was a little different than mine and she mentioned that she grew up with, let's say blinders on.  When I say that I mean, she was very secure with who she was growing up because she had no reason not to be - it wasn't until she started University that she really started having feelings of not belonging and not fitting in.  She was treated differently all of a sudden and it was a difficult transition for her to become aware of the fact that people of colour ARE treated differently by those around them.  I was very used to that and was able to relate to everything she and I discussed because that was my everyday when I was growing up.  I didn't have any blinders on my eyes - I was, and to some degree still am, treated differently because of the colour of my skin.  Being different is not a bad thing - it never was meant to be and I wish that as I was growing up I had had the resources available to me that are now available to children and families now. 

While I was in the USA, I spoke with a lot of parents and support workers about the books, Why Can't You Look Like Me and Where Do I Belong, and how they are both useful in assisting children with how they are feeling when they believe they do not fit in, within their schools and even within their families.  The reaction I received was very positive and one I am excited to share.  Families are more than willing to support their children with any and all issues that arise in their lives and with the encouraging and empowering support from the book series I am providing, parents are eager for the release of each new title.  There are still four titles to be released and I am looking forward, as many people are, for the release of What Is A Part Of Me, hopefully to come out within the next few months. 

I was very fortunate to have had the opportunity to be involved with fellow transracial adoptees, Rhonda Roorda, co-author of In Their Own Voices, and Kevin Hoffmann, author of Growing Up Black In White.  What I found to be so enlightening for me was the way they both told their stories and how similar events were for both of them and also for myself.  Even though all of us had grown up in very different families and environments, there were some definite things that we could all relate to in some way or another.  There were a lot of questions asked, we answered what we could and still we could have easily sat there for another two or three hours discussing what the parents and support workers wanted, no needed, to kow all about.  We will havae to get together again and present as a panel in some way.   

The success of Adoption Awareness Month came for me on November 19 when I was awarded with an honour only bestowed upon 24 individuals within the Scotiabank world.  Here is what was said about who I am and what I do for children...

‘Her Success Her Way’


Remarks by Andrew McGillivray, Branch Manager, Orchard Place Scotiabank Branch, Kelowna, BC
“Her Success, Her Way” celebrates Scotiabank women and the different choices they have made which contribute to their success in life, not just at work but at home and in the community.  Throughout the year culminating on March 8th 2011, the 100th Anniversary of International Women’s Day, Scotiabank will be recognizing the successes of 24 chosen Scotiabank women, 12 from Canada and 12 from over 50 International locations, who have truly defined success on their own terms and whose successes have been noticed and submitted for consideration by a Scotiabank colleague.

Ola Zuri is the first B.C. Scotiabank woman to be selected to receive this honour. I am proud and delighted to share with you how Ola’s success is defined:

Ola is no doubt a successful woman. Anyone who knows her will agree that she lives with energy, enthusiasm and empathy.  Everywhere she goes she takes her whole heart with her. She’s been with Scotiabank for 4 years and is a team player who takes great pride in her role, both in the Bank with her colleagues and customers, but also outside the Bank – in the community.

Ola is an author, mentor, mother, and adoptee, and a very successful woman. She has an exceptionally strong feeling toward giving back to those around her, particularly to children.

Ola has one goal: to ensure all children become strong, independent and confident within themselves as they are growing up, and she strives to achieve this goal with the various programs she is an integral part of.

First, the Believe In Me program, established by Ola, provides positive literature to encourage and empower children to believe in who is inside of themselves with determination and faith while discovering and using perseverance for success and overcoming obstacles in life. Her books, Why Can’t You Look Like Me and Where Do I Belong open children up to dealing with their feelings when they are unsure of how to feel by shows them ways to actively teach and encourage them to believe in what is inside and not on what others may say or want for them.

As many people are aware, Ola is a full time single mother raising four of her five children, works part time at Scotiabank, writes books passionately, also part time, and in conjunction with the Adoptive Families Association of British Columbia and the Boys and Girls Club, is the Lead Mentor, volunteer coordinator, and facilitator of a group called, True Colours.  It is a mentoring program offered to children and families celebrating the variety of cultural diversity in our growing society.  The committment Ola has to children, families, and those in her community is impressive.  She has been an integral part of the group since it's inception in 2007.

In recognition of the various successes, Scotiabank is proud to present Ola with a cheque for $ 2,000.00 to present to a charity of her choice.  Congratulations Ola and keep up the great work - we are so proud of what you are doing for children and families everywhere! 


What an amazing day and the recognition was very important to me, more so as it helps me put the spotlight on children in a way that gives strength to them. So there I was in the middle of the mentoring group, children and families everywhere, and I took that moment to mark the occasion, during Adoption Awareness Month, by donating the monetary award to the Adoptive Families Association of British Columbia (AFABC). The AFABC provides exceptional support services for people looking to adopt, have decided to adopt, or already had a child or children join their family. AFABC also plays a significant role in promoting awareness of the thousands of BC children who are waiting for a family. What AFABC does is very important and is close to me heart. The more children who are placed into families, the better! What better way for children to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month than by being able to join a family to call their own!

Adoption and Foster Care - Taboo Subjects???

Have you ever noticed there are certain topics, subjects, that seem to be taboo to talk about?  Like, for example: race, religion, sex, politics, money, sexual orientation and relationships, and for some reason, adoption.  Go figure that something that is so important to many, many people, could actually be on the list of taboo subjects to discuss!


As I have been researching and struggling through my own journey of adoption, I have found that there are many people who actually DO talk about adoption, almost on a daily basis.  There are a variety of blogs, websites, tweeters, facebook pages, myspace pages, articles, news broadcasts and stories all over the place when it comes to this supposedly taboo subject.


Now, you may be wondering, how this is possible if the subject appears to be so off limits.  I have wondered the same thing and decided that it was finally my turn to step out and really write about it.


Adoption, as it turns out, is a subject that is actually in the news a lot - the celebrities are all over the headlines with new children whom they have brought home, or Hollywood movies of recent that are based on adoption and foster care, like "Despicable Me," "The Blind Side," "Orphan," "Meet the Robinsons," and Pauly Shore's controversial film titled, "Adopted."   Then of course there are other stories like the one in the news where the adoptive mother took the child to the airport and left him there, alone, to go back to his country, as she was unable to reach him emotionally and couldn’t take it anymore.


So, what makes this subject so scary, so wary for people to discuss??  Is it because of the fact that infertility comes into play for some people?  Is it because people who have not been touched by adoption, or foster care, are afraid to talk about the realities of attachment disorder in children who have been placed in foster care and then adopted?  What is it that scares so many people and makes discussing it so taboo?  The realization that children who are placed into these realities are struggling through emotions, fears, anxieties, upheavals and so much more is something that can not be ignored any longer. These children are crying out for something, anything to aid them on their journey of recovery.  I will be that aid, now and always!


Even though these stories appear to be in the news a lot, the idea of picking up a story about adoption or foster care seems to scare a lot of publishing houses and literary agents - scares them so much that there are a limited number of manuscripts that are even picked up by the specialty publishing houses and very rarely is a small independent author picked up by a house and even more rarely by an agent - perhaps there is a small fear that these story ideas really wouldn’t sell and then how would they make any money??


Okay, I get that and I can even understand that.  Having said that however, the genre of books that is being offered through myself is one that has not been touched and is what is needed right now.


The children in the adoption and foster care world are being sent too many mixed messages - especially the transracially adopted or fostered children.  There is a message being ingrained upon them that adoption is alright for them, for now.  However... if they choose to look for their biological family, that is not always acceptable in the adoptive or foster parents eyes.  When I say this, I mean that a lot of the time the youth, and then young adults, are so afraid of hurting the parents feelings when choosing to look for any biological piece of them, that they choose to wait - choose to wait as so many adults have done for years now, until the parents have passed away and then finally go in search of something, someone - some biological connection to their world... to their being.


What is so harmful about that you may wonder... well, what is harming is that these youth and young adults are not free to express what they are truly feeling within as they have been growing up.  There is no real outlet for them to discuss the anguish, possible sorrow, that is growing within their hearts and souls.  Adoption tears at everyone in a different way, yet the most similar one is that of having been abandoned - the child growing up as an adoptee or foster child, has that initial feeling of loss attached to that adoption or foster care situation.

Are the children in foster care, and the children who are in orphanages across the world, asking to be adopted or fostered as part of their life journey?  Are these young children wanting to start their lives out with abandonment issues?  I don't think so.  I don't believe that any child would ask for the emotional upheaval that is experienced in foster care and then, more often than not, transitions over into the new life started when adopted.  When I was growing up, I know I never once asked to be in the situations I was put in and yet, now as an adult, I am asked why I can't get over them.  Why am I still bothered by issues that were from the past, from a beginning I did not ask for?        

There is a reality that so many are not willing to look at when it comes to children who started out their lives as being abandoned, given up.  This reality is one that, at some point in one's life, will have an affect on how relationships play out, how conversations are brought up, and even how certain aspects of daily life are fulfilled.  I have noticed there are a lot of fostered and adopted adults who gravitate towards the profession of counselor, or support worker, or volunteer to work in the industry that has had such an important impact on one's life.  I know I have and that is one of the main reasons I write... to help others who may feel the way I felt and who may not realize that speaking out for themselves is key to helping themselves heal, from the inside out!  

The books that are being brought forth by myself address these issues in ways that aid all children with the healing process - a healing that is necessary even in this day and age of adoption and foster care.  The children growing up today have so many resources to aid with almost every type of situation they may go through - when it comes to believing in what is inside of yourself, I have not been able to locate materials that will aid children the way I believe is necessary.  The resource I provide with the Believe In Me program, through the literature I have written (Why Can't You Look Like Me and Where Do I Belong) and the literature I continue writing, those materials are now becoming available!

I know what type of book I would pick up and purchase for my children - the books I am providing are in our collection and are making a difference in many lives as I speak.  That is what is key here and that is why I continue to write!  My illustrator, Jenn, tells a story in itself with the images she continues to come up with - the words flow with the illustrations so anyone can pick up a book and understand there is a huge message involved, not only in the words, but also in the images.  

My passion is for these books to be available to the children, to all of the children who may be going through their own personal journey of healing within.


So, are adoption and foster care taboo subjects???


Not in my world and not in any young person's journey through life as an adoptee or foster child!!   All you have to do is ask one of them...  

Heartfelt reviews of children's literature

A couple of months ago I was befriended on Facebook by a young woman, Erika Ives, who is an adoptive mother of a 20 month old daughter from Uganda.


I was recently invited by Erika to join a Facebook group, Adoptionhair_skincare, and I find it to be an amazing support system of families wanting, and willing, to look after their children's hair.  What a great group and there are always lots of fabulous tips for styles you thought you knew all about...


As it turns out, Erika had ordered my books and has thus received them and written a review for both.


Feel free to join the above group and click on the links below to read the reviews - wonderful words from the heart!



Here is the post to what Erika said in her review of the first book:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.phpuid=109425222412663&topic=275

Here is the post to what Erika said in her review of the second book:

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=109425222412663&topic=276

Life getting started - finally!

My life has definitely been an interesting one - not too many years ago, I was born and then without any reason in my mind... given away.  Time and time again, I have thought about this event in my life as being one of the hardest events to deal with.  My thoughts revolving around the idea that I wasn't good enough for my biological mother, wasn't wanted by her, and most of all, wasn't loved by her.


Over the past year, and after finding someone to help me work on who I really am on the inside, on the thoughts and the questions in my life I thought I would never have answers to or be able to figure out, I am starting to believe I have had the answers within me all along - some people have the ability to use speech as a way of bringing out what is needed - to be able to talk, to converse their thoughts with others, while some people use a variety of the arts (dance, movement, visual, artistic, musical) to express what is within themselves - for me, it is in my script, in my words - words I have been writing from a young age and continue to write, even here today.





Throughout the years, there have been a lot of hurts, sorrows, and pains I have held onto and in my subconscious, I have held onto these feelings, believing somehow they were going to help me somewhere in my life.  A heart-wrenching pain that has unwittingly clung to my subconscious mind is that of my abandonment.  Abandoned, given away, an unwanted, unloved child - this was something that had happened to me at birth yet here, still gnawing at me, still dwelling within me negativity towards my biological mother -  And then in one statement, one declaration, all of that changed.  I was given these words to think about... "Are you really an unwanted, unloved child who was abandoned by her biological mother?  Really?  How is this so, Ola, when your biological mother gave birth to you?  She brought you into this world and yes, she did relinquish her rights to you, but would she have done that to someone she did not want, did not care about and did not love?  Ola, She could have had an abortion, yet she chose to give you a life instead - again yes, a life without her, yet a life all the same."


What??  How could that be right?  With all that my subconscious was constantly trying to deal with and now I have thrown a reality into the mix that I had never imagined before!  Well, the tears, tears and more tears I have shed from that utterance - from the belief within me that I was always an unwanted, unloved child to the awareness that I must have been loved to be here in this world now.  What a thought!!  What a declaration!!  All of a sudden, I now have an opportunity to start seeing myself for what I really am: important, valuable, worthy, loved, and sooo cherished that my biological mother sacrificed her relationship with me to entrust another couple to take care of me.... because she knew that she could not!  She gave me the greatest gift of all: LIFE itself.  And she made the greatest sacrifice for it: allowing others to raise me!





The following Shared Thought ™ is all about life, family and making a choice, a decision.  I have written these thoughts for years and when I look over them again, I see there are words within my words that I didn't see before now - words that are continually helping me and healing me on the inside:




  why do we decide to start a family?  is it because
of the need within to nurture someone and raise
this being into a fresh young adult?  is it because
the choice was made before the planning?  what
about the decision to seek for a being that is
perfect from the beginning.  every individual
eventually makes a choice as to whether a family
becomes a reality within his/her world.  the option
  for a child seems to be one that is made everyday.
if only there were a way for every person to realize 
  that the decisions that are made come from within.
the decision to welcome a young spirit into this
world is one that every individual must consider.
by allowing each being a choice, the freedom for
young children lives on.  every person has the
opportunity to decide which direction his/her life
  will lead.  there is only one chance for each person
to choose.  this choice could change a lifestyle...
choose carefully.


Upon re-reading this entry, I wonder how often my biological mother wanted a second chance to make  another choice than what she did - would she have made a different decision?  Would she have kept me?  Would she have wanted to keep me?  In 1995, when I finally met her, she said something I never thought I would hear.  "I have always told people about you, everybody knew you existed.  You were always a part of my life and I always wanted to keep you."  That was, and still is, one of the most amazing things she could have ever said to me.  To think she had always thought of me and told others about me was, and is, a reality I didn't surmise.  So many others never have the opportunity to find, let alone meet and talk with their biological parent(s).  I was very lucky to have had that chance, that one time in my life where I came together with the woman whom I thought didn't want me, didn't need me and didn't love me - when all along... she did.

Something so true for me is that she has always been a part of my life.  Forever and always, I had wondered about her - what she looked like - how tall or short she was - was she fat, skinny, darker than me, lighter than me - I can't think of a time when I didn't think about my biological mother while I was growing up.  There was a piece of me I felt was incomplete - a missing link to something I needed to know and I didn't have the answer to.  I used to write in my journal over and over again about what she would look like or be like - all of the ideas and dreams and thoughts I would write about who she was, who maybe I was too.


While I admit that I have had many times where I have wondered about the variety that is my life, I have been writing for so many years about who I am, what I am feeling, and where my life may be going that sometimes I didn't know where I was or where I actually fit in the picture.  After all of this time, and with the writing of the literature for the Believe In Me program, my life is changing, changing for the better.

Positive changes for me mean positive changes for my children and for children everywhere.  When I improve myself from within, I see how beneficial it is to teach the children how to improve themselves from within now, before they are grown, before they start trying to "figure it all out."  These changes must start now for the children and the Believe In Me program provides the literature to encourage and empower the children to see what is inside of themselves as they are growing, to learn to deal with the issues that may be hard yet are important enough to be dealt with as they are learning so much about life's events.    


I am so thankful for what is happening in my life right now - this has been a very, very emotional and draining experience yet for what I get in return, it's all worth it!!  The children to me are worth every bit of sacrifice I have to go through.


Who knew I would find this wonderful program within myself to aid all children with what hey may be feeling, may have felt or may still go through.  I feel very blessed to be a part of all of the lives I am able to touch with the messages provided that I didn't have in my life for so many years!


Thank you to all of you who are so willing to make the choice, take the chance on this program - Believe In Me - for the reality is - it is all about who is inside of you!!