As time flies... in the eyes of a foster care child.

Another summer, fall, and winter have passed and we are almost at the end of another school year with homework, extra curricular activities and tons of stuff to rush around and do almost completed.  My kids have been enjoying their days and are excited for the summer holiday break to arrive and have some down time again.

Down time?!  I always wonder about those words and how they play out in a child's mind... down time for us adults seems quite obvious -- we need some time to rest, relax, not think about anything and hang out.  What is it that kids are thinking... it seems their down time usually happens every day when school is done -- they are then either off to a fun filled time at a sports practice or game; off to enjoy some type of artistic experience; or even home to watch a bit of tv or play video games, either on the computer or tv.  These all sound like down time items to me -- as a parent, we adults are usually working long days to ensure our kids have the warm home to go relax in; provide them with rides to the variety of activities usually chosen by those same kids and generally have to provide meals for these kids to consume on a daily basis.  Down time -- sheesh!  As a parent of four energetic children, from tweens to teens, I want more of this so called down time and now!!  :oP


Even though I am currently off work, due to this lingering illness, I still am required to ensure I am able to provide my children with the home they need, the food necessary to stay healthy, and be available to drive them to various activities or friends homes so they can enjoy their down time without any glitches.

A big glitch for me -- I am not always on top of my own game, health wise, and tend to want to have some extra down time for me when the kids are home.

Right now, I am learning to focus on one commitment at a time compared to the twenty things I know I need to do, or at least feel I need to do at one time.  Running myself down has been a large contributor to my feeling less than my usual energetic self.


When I focus in on the one area that gives me energy and strength, I always feel pumped!

That area, of course, is writing the stories for the children!!  The next children's book is titled When Is It My Turn, and has actually been in my head for a long time.  The story is about a group of children who are in the foster care system and have not been selected to be a part of anyone's family.  Children who sit every day wondering why they are not in their own forever family as they see other children around them who are chosen to leave and join a family.

How does a child know it is okay to feel what he/she is feeling -- to know the thoughts of getting older is not always a good thing when you are a part of the "system?"  Children need to have some reassurance about who they are and what is inside of them when they are the ones who are still waiting... they need to know it's okay to feel what they feel as they are growing up without a family around them.

This book speaks to them in a way they will understand because some of the emotions they feel, every day while waiting, are brought forth in this book for them to read and figure out.  I am excited for someone to pick up this book and be amazed at the impact it will have on a child who feels alone inside.  These words are powerful words, strong words for the children.

As summer comes, I will await what happens with this story and go from there.  If I am still unable to find a professional publishing company to take this story and run with it, I will take it by the reigns myself and fly!  So many children deserve to not only read the words, hear the words, and believe the words, they need to know these words are for them, for each of them, to start their own healing as they live each new day with themselves!!  I will never stop what I do because there are always more children to come!

 I love what I do and I can't wait for so many others to read this story and love what I do too!!!!

Summer is around the corner...and I won't go down without a fight!!

After a very hard fall into the spring season with illness and pain in my world, I am happy to say things are slowly starting to turn around.

I have had a lot of stress with being ill and trying to ensure my children are still living in a somewhat normal world - whatever normal is!

My life turned upside down over the past twelve weeks with all of the medical changes I have had to endure.  Starting with the numbing down the left side of my body, followed by the headaches and terrible side effects I have been struggling through.

Memory loss and very poor concentration --  going through many moments in a day where I will ask myself, "What am I doing? What was I doing?"  Twitches in my left arm and fingers.  Tingling in my hands and feet.  The taste of soda pop changed completely where the carbonation was awful to taste - it was like drinking a horrible tasting sugar water.  I have been struggling everyday with a symptom called Aphasia (I can think certain words but I can't speak them very well, stuttering and slurring what I am trying to say) Choosing an alternative word can be so helpful at times however makes things a little more difficult for me as I go through the day.  Sometimes I have these odd moments where it appears I am having some sort of staring spell -- I could not move nor speak yet I was conscious of what was happening around me -- very freaky...

I am glad to see things changing for me in a positive way -- finally have started speech therapy to re-work how I speak and focus on the annunciation of my vocabulary all over again.  This has been a very humbling time for me as I have struggled through a lot of moments and days feeling at a loss most days with not knowing how long this will last, if not forever.

I am starting to work on the next three books in the series, the fourth book is titled When Is It My Turn, because these are very important to me and for the children.  It has been a hard road to travel with everything I have been going through yet for me, it is still all about the children and I will persevere through all of this to ensure the series of books is brought out for the children and families to enjoy and learn from.


As time goes on, I will face these challenges and be stronger for them, I have to be!  I have faced many a fight in my life and the health issues I am facing right now will not be going down without some big time fight coming from me to overcome it all!!  Love to all who continue to follow what I do for the children and know this...I am in this for the long haul, no matter what!!!

Ola Zuri launches new books!

Starting off the new year by ending the last year with a bang! 


What a wonderful turnout for the release of the latest book in the series, book three titled What Is A Part Of Me.

So happy to see so many people come out to support what I am doing for the children!  

Providing autographs...

 The launch of the new anthology, Somebody's Child, was a success and all copies were sold out!  

  Passages read...

Being able to speak with the people who came out to support me and what I am doing is a wonderful part of the experience.  

Questions asked...

Smiles and laughs shared...

 

Total support in what I am doing...

 

All in a day's work!!!

Meet & Greet Local Author - Ola Zuri

UPCOMING EVENT

Book Release - Mosaic Books

"What Is A Part Of Me"

Where: 411 Bernard Avenue

  Downtown Kelowna

When: December 16, 2011

Time:  3:00 - 8:00 

I sit here wondering how each day can continue to pass and I still have heard nothing from the many, many people who were so impressed by what I am continuing to do for the children - the children who are growing up in our communities who do not have the full confidence within themselves that we parents believe they do, the self esteem that is needed to grow into well rounded individuals, the strength to stand on one's own two feet and feel from within that there is nothing one can not conquer by staying strong and believing in oneself.  Each day I wait, I dream, I hope someone, anyone, will look at what I am doing and say, yes, this is something that matters, what can I do to help!?  Yet everyday I still wait, still wonder, still hope, and still dream.

One hundred percent, 100% of what I do is not for me, is not for the parents, is not for the social workers, or the adoption and foster care workers, it is all for the children!  The children who are trying their best to grow up in a world that hides things, shelters things, and distorts things so that children will not be hurt, so that the parents continue to look the best, to be their ever guiding protector and the children do what the parents want because after all "mother and father know best."

So many times I keep hearing from others about what I am doing and how it sounds so good and it is what children need and, as many times as I hear those words, I also hear it must be hard for you to do this alone.  I don't ever hear how someone would like to help me, how someone would like to sponsor me, how someone would be interested in finding me a professional publisher or agent to take the books I have to many more places than I can do on my own.  No, for some reason I keep hearing how it must be hard and how can I continue to do what I am doing when I am trying to raise four children alone.  Where is the money coming from Ola??!!  How can you do this Ola??!!

I will tell you how I can do it --- I do it, end of story!  These books are important enough to me to get into the hands of children that I will continue doing what I am doing and struggling with financial issues because I believe all children deserve to have these books in their hands.  I see too often how many people are out there wrestling within their adult lives with issues from the past that have gone unresolved and are unsettled in their lives and I know with the positive literature in the Believe In Me program, children can start to believe in self, work on the issues that could already be eating away at them, and ask the questions, receive some answers, some guidance, and learn to trust themselves throughout their whole childhood.  Why, oh why, would I want children to grow up and not have the inner strength to see the answers to their questions have always been inside of them all along when I can provide them with a way to work on those questions, those insecurities as they are growing and maturing instead?!




The time has to come for others to realize what I do is not about me, not about being an "angry adoptee" or an angry daughter but it is all about what I can do to assist others with how to aid the children in their lives with some resources to bring forth the courage to stand on one's own two feet and feel good about it, from the youngest age and up!!

Adoption in the summertime!

Having had the opportunity to travel to the USA this summer was quite an experience.  I spoke with many of the people in the adoption triad and found out a lot of things I have experienced or have worried about or have thought about has also been on the minds of many other adoptees in the world.  I heard some complaints - I heard some praises - I heard about some disappointments - I heard some sadness - I heard some painful memories - I heard some great memories.  What stands out in my mind are the moments shared between so many new people in my life and the bond we seemed to create in those moments knowing we were all in a safe environment without judgement of who we were or what we should be happy for.  It was quite a change from the way things have been in the past for me and for most of the people I have made a strong connection with now.  I am very thankful for the wonderful opportunities I have been able to experience this year and I only look forward to the many more wonderful experiences to come!!

I want to remind all of those people whom I was able to talk with and present to that the children are really the most important member of the triad as they are the ones who are going to have to grow up learning and listening to all of those around them in their world and if we can assist them with the tools to start believing in the person who is inside of them from their young ages up to becoming an adult, then the books I am providing them with need to be in their rooms, in their classrooms, in their libraries, in their faces!  How are we going to make that happen adults if we don't get out there and actually order those books for the children to start!!??

The time is now and the children are growing up everyday - order your copies for a child whom you know and l

Adoption - who is it really about??

This has been quite the summer for me what with travelling to California for the Pact Family Camp in July and only having returned recently from Colorado where I attended the NACAC Conference.  The chance to have spoken with so many parents at both venues this summer has been fabulous.  I also believe being able to partake in a variety of the sessions available to children and making friends with those same children was very rewarding and the best part of all!!

I am looking at things a little more clearly now after having had the opportunity to listen to the  variety of people, including social workers, counsellors, and others who appear to be fairly involved at the initial stage of placing the rainbow of children in care with families.  Unfortunately where the breakdown seems to be starting for so many adoptees is within the system those same children are a part of.

Listening to speaker after speaker discuss the training and involvement necessary for those in the child welfare system was incredulous because as it turns out, there are not enough of the child welfare offices across the countries, both in the USA and Canada, getting or giving their staff the right kind of education when it comes to placing children of colour into the many waiting families.

The system breaks down by not ensuring the staff are all being educated enough with race issues in their own offices and then taking the same training to the families who are interested in adopting a child of colour.  Offering courses after the fact is absolutely not acceptable because not everyone is taking the courses - especially not the child welfare workers to begin with!

There is no way that these children are being offered the best choice when the parents who are adopting them do not, have not and may not, ever decide to have any other people of colour in their lives besides the children they adopt or the ones whom they see when they participate in their annual heritage or family camps.  These children are not being given an opportunity to be raised knowing their parents are confident and secure around the many people of colour in our society - the occasional few in their passing lives is definitely not good enough.  It never has been and it never will be!

The children need to see their parents with and around people who look like them from the very beginning of their adoption.  It is not good enough to take a class or attend a conference or workshop that is based on transracial adoption after the child has been placed within the family setting.  Parents need to have already joined groups with people of colour in them - they need to already have friends whom they socialize with on a regular basis - they need to bring race into their daily lives as much as it will be in the child's daily life.


What is it the parents are so ashamed of?  What are they hiding from?  What are they afraid of when there is nothing of colour in their life until a little workshop has been attended and THEN all of a sudden it sounds like they now need to have a friend who is of colour in their life.  NO WAY!  Totally unacceptable and completely unfair to the children who are now becoming a part of their white family and will definitely have some questions or situations throughout life as a person of colour and having a family who has not participated in the colour of their lives throughout their life, is showing their children that the people who look like them are not good enough for them, as parents, to be friends with.  How is that a benefit for the children of colour now that they are home in their new family?  How does this help them to grow into strong people who feel a sense of pride being amongst other people of colour when their own parents would not acknowledge and befriend those some people of colour?

Children are growing up with parents and in the system with people who are trying their best to do what they think is what the kids need  however what the kids need is to be considered in the equation.  I understand, as a parent myself, how one would say some things are too much for a young child to understand or comprehend or if a parent wants to "protect" the child from the many dangers of society, of the world.  However, when a child is shielded or treated as inferior to parents because the parent believes everything would be fine in the end, this is actually more harming to the child than helpful.  Every child goes through the growing up phase in life and when parents pretend their child is not old enough to understand or handle situations, especially race issues, the child can grow up with an uneasy feeling towards self and how many parents really want that?

There are many ways for parents to ensure a healthy happy child who feels confident and secure from within.  The books in this series are a definite asset to have in ones library - positive messages to increase a positive feeling towards self is what all children need.  What better time to instil confidence in our children than from the very beginning of their lives - reading with them, providing reading material for them, and consistently being there for them in every way is so important and is something I will continue to provide for my children and for the many children out there in the world!!!

Pact Family Camp Experience

Time well spent away in California at the annual Pact Family Camp held at Granlibakken Resort in Tahoe City.  What a beautiful resort and the food was way too good!  Seriously!

So, I started my trip on the morning of July 16 at 04h00 am, flying out of Kelowna and into Vancouver for a connecting flight to California at 08h35.  What should have been a very nice trip, smooth and without hassle ended up being a very long drawn out day hanging around the Vancouver airport waiting to leave.  Two technically challenged airplanes, some very long wait times between finally getting onto one, an airline host who had no idea what was really happening yet kept trying to act like he knew what was happening, a $10 lunch voucher for the very over priced food at an airport, one cancelled flight, a trip through Canadian customs even though I had never even left the country, picked up my bag to get checked in on a new flight to California, a second trip through US customs, and after seven gruelling hours of waiting, finally getting another technically challenged plane with a pilot who decided the passengers who had upgraded their plane to accommodate all of us, had waited long enough and needed to get this flight out of Vancouver even on one engine, arriving in San Francisco with only enough time to switch flights only to be delayed another two hours before leaving to arrive in Reno, where upon arrival in Reno found out there was no luggage for me to pick up because they left it in San Francisco, and finally at 23h30 settling in to a very beautiful room at the Granlibakken Resort for my week of adventure with the Pact group of families!  Phew!!!  What an exhausting first day!

 

The week was fantastic!  I met a lot of amazing people who were so willing to do whatever they needed to for their children who may have some of the same type of experiences I had growing up and need to have a positive force in their life encouraging them.   I spoke on many occasion to some fabulous children & families about Believe In Me and the literature I have written.  Amazing events, learned lots, met and made many new friends, and taught a lot of people to Believe In Me!!

Believing from within needs to start from childhood -- why wait until adulthood to start the healing process when a child can learn to heal and soothe oneself from the beginning... what we all as adults are doing now, our children can also be doing!  Share the message of what Believe In Me offers to all of your friends, co-workers, and family!!

Back in the swing of things!!

As I sit here and gaze at my computer screen, I realize I have not had as much contact with those in the blogging world as I would have liked.  Well here I am... finally!  :o)

So let's see... where to begin --- over these past months, I have been able to promote, discuss, and present a variety of events to many people.  Being able to participate when and as requested, is an honor for me.  I love what I do and being able to pass along the messages of encouragement and empowerment found within the words of my books, is nothing but fabulous!

Children who read the words I have written and feel good about who is inside of themselves.

Parents who read the words and see there are so many ways of guiding their children through any of the emotions or stresses that arise as days go by.

Support workers and educators who read the words and know there is a new way of aiding the children and families with issues that may arise in a child's everyday experiences and can provide a positive resource in a non threatening way.

And that is what is most important for the children after all!!!

My Adoption Awareness month last November had me spending some time travelling to Michigan where I was very fortunate to have presented on a panel with two wonderful authors and fellow adoptees, whom I may now call friends, Rhonda Roorda and Kevin Hoffman.  They were very informative and it was amazing to speak with them both, relate to some of the same type of issues growing up and to be available to all those who showed up to listen to what we all had to say. What an experience!  I look forward to partaking in more opportunities with the both of them!



Here is a story I was surprised about during the late fall and thought I would share -- my ten year old daughter had spent the night at a friend's place for a birthday party.  When I went to pick her up the following day, she commented on a few things, mostly about how a couple of her friends had argued during most of the evening.  The comment that stood out the most for me was, "I don't understand why they argue so much, it's not like they are really cousins anyway."  I wondered what she meant by that and questioned her.  She responded by telling me, "Mom, they aren't "real" cousins because so and so is adopted."

Now, if you can imagine, I was pretty surprised to hear that because my children know all about adoption and know I am adopted as well.  I continued to prod for some answers from my daughter.  "What do you think it means to be a "real" cousin honey?"  "Well, if her mom had had her then she would be related to her family but she wasn't so she isn't really their daughter or her cousin."

If you have ever seen the look of a deer in the headlights of any oncoming vehicle that would be the look I had on my face and in my heart.  I felt like everything I was trying to teach my child had flown out the window because she didn't understand that being a "real" member of anyone's family means being a part of their life, in their heart, in their homes, and in every way possible.  I reminded my young daughter, who I believe was and is old enough to hear direct answers from me, about my status of being a person who was adopted and queried her as to what she thought of my being a "real" member of my family.  Her answer was "Mom, I feel sorry for you and for her because you didn't have your real families to live with.  I know you are adopted but you are my mom and so you have me and we are real."  Again, look of a deer... As I continued to discuss the blessing of having been adopted into a family rather than be left in the foster care system, I could see the understanding finally come into my daughter's face and she seemed to believe what I was saying about families and belonging to one, real or not.  All families are real whether a child is adopted, fostered, biological, step, surrogate, whatever way a family is made up.  It took a lot of discussion and I am glad she talked about everything so openly with me -- I would rather her speak open with me than to speak frankly with her friend and possibly lose a friendship over misunderstanding what "real" meant in an adopteees life.

Adoption does not make anyone less than -- it never has and never will.  So why is it that there are still so many people out there who think that way??  I am glad to say my daughter understands a little more about this subject and now we need to ensure more people are made aware so that young hearts are not hurt for something that promised a forever family to them!  Having my own experience as an adoptee makes all the difference in the world and I am thankful to my family for making mine real!

What a Great Start To Adoption Awareness Month!!!

After many months of trying, praying, and hoping that I would be able to share the series of books and the Believe In Me program and everything I have to offer within more communities in as many places as I can, I am finally heading to the United States!!!  What an awesome break!!

As part of the National Adoption Awareness Month campaign in November, I have been invited to the Michigan/Ohio area by the Adopt America Network to be a guest speaker / panel member with renowned adoption author, Rhonda Roorda, co-author of In Their Own Voices, (Columbia University Press, 2000) and Kevin Hoffman, author of Growing Up Black In White, ( Vine Appointment Publishing, 2010) on November 6, 2010.  As an author who has messages of empowerment and inspiration to bring to all children, I am so excited to be able to promote and present the books and the program, as well as offer book signings with the families and the many support people in the communities in Michigan and Ohio and all of those who venture out to the event! 


I will introduce anyone who has never read about me, and remind all of those who have, about the program created by me, using books and literature, titled Believe In Me.  The overall purpose of the program is to provide positive literature to encourage and empower all children to believe in themselves with determination and faith while discovering and using perseverance for success and overcoming obstacles in life.  


Why Can’t You Look Like Me (Black Oasis Ent., 2009) and Where Do I Belong (Black Oasis Ent., 2009) are the first two, of six, titles in the program.  The series of books open children up, from a young age and up, to having to deal with their feelings when they are unsure of how to feel.  They offer a distinctly broader view of dealing with situations any child may experience that is on the level of the child.  Next, the books emphasize roles to actively teach and encourage the child to believe in what is inside of himself/herself and not on what others may say or want for him / her.  What Is A Part Of Me, is the next title in the series, looking at a possible Winter 2010/11 release date. 


With the series, the opportunity is there for children to read, explore, and discover who they really are inside and know that it is okay to be that person.  There are interactive questions at the end of each story which will aid families, caregivers, and educators, to discuss any areas of difficulty, or emotion, that may possibly come up as a result of the story.  Questions and discussions that perhaps would have been harder to raise if not for this positive literature.  It can be quite a task for a child to not understand what is going on inside and then not know how to discuss it.  This series of books will help pave the way for so many children, (as well as for the parents) to open up and use the tools that have been inside of themselves all along!!  


Now, who wouldn't want to help promote such a positive thing in their communities???  I am so glad to be a part of the families, support workers, educators, and most definitely, the children's lives, knowing they are learning to empower themselves from within... as they are growing!

I would love to see, meet, and talk with all those who come out to meet myself and the other authors at this fabulous kickoff to November's Adoption Awareness Month activities!!  To register for the event, please follow the link below!  Hope to see you there!! 
http://adoptamericanetwork.org/1346/adopt-america-network-to-host-panel-on-transracial-adoption/